Train Ride…urrgggh!

We’re back in Mysore after my most awkward experience here in India. On the night train back to Mysore, I wrongly picked out a sleeper area for four people. Our trip had only reserved two of the seats in the four person area. Dr. Rao said to stay there with my friends and he’d ask the other two occupants to move. I felt awkward doing this but thought about how in the United States we frequently switch seats on planes all the time to accommodate other passengers. I figured the two train riders would not be offended if we asked them to move. After all, they’d likely be men and with the connotation of the “loose western women,” no married Indian man would want to sleep next to her on a train. Well, to put it bluntly, I was wrong.

The man refused to move even though the seat he would have stayed in was exactly the same as the one he had a ticket for. I was so taken aback. One of my friends was furious and talked to Dr. Rao. Dr. Rao eventually switched seats with us. It was not until I switched seats that I digested what had happened. In the United States, we are so used to “gentlemanly” behavior. As a feminist, I cringe at saying this, but it’s true. We typically expect males to cater to us. It’s the way that they prove their masculinity.

In India, asserting one’s masculinity is completely different. For this man on the train, it was I who was out of line to ask him to move. I should be moving for him. Really, I should not be on a train unless I’m with my family (my husband’s if I’m married or my parents if I’m single).

I still don’t know the appropriate way to handle the situation. I truly hope that what I did, how I felt, was not based off prejudice or assumption. I can’t help but wonder if something similar happens to black men in the U.S. What I do know is that the situation was awkward and even after I moved, the man still walked by where I was sitting and lingered for a few seconds and just stared.